feng shui tips, beautiful eyes look

Tucked in the VIP Room of Hot Legs Karaoke & Niteclub, flirty Wati, passion-welling Jessica, Chow Kah and I applauded merrily when Hussein finished his Indonesian song Bokong Semok (literally means “big butt”).

“Come it’s your turn, Chow Kah,” said Hussein. Seated next to him, Wati passed the song menu to our handsome pal.

“Sorry, tonight I’m not in the mood; got personal problems.”

“Come on, tell us your personal problems,” coaxed Jessica, her nipples standing proud and swollen beneath her silk halter top. She peeled Chow Kah’s rotten skin of frustration away with her warm breath. “If we can, we will help; that’s what frenz are for, rite?”

“I’ve no sex life,” he uttered. His arms were drooped across his lap. “It’s been like this for weeks.”

Wati’s mouth opened like a scented flower: “What? Mati pucuk at such a young age?” She shifted forward in her seat to reach out for a California roll, exposing her stockings gatered at the thigh; they were stimulating to the loins and pleasing to the eyes.

“No, it’s not me; it’s my wife.” Chow Kah felt a sense of relief as catharsis enveloped him.

“You poor man, your wife’s frigid?” Jessica’s moist lips were filled with warm tenderness.

“Dunno, could be work stress, could be frigidity.”

Hussein hands glided over Wati’s contours and curves in sensual exploration as they both listened attentively. Wati was compliant to his teasing and pleasing.

Jessica suggested: “You can try feng shui for greater sex; maybe your bedroom's feng shui is no good. To begin with, it must allow the flow of positive chi. The furniture should be neatly arranged. Remove anything that reminds you of ex-girlfriend or boyfriend or ex-spouse. Items from the office such as laptops should also be removed. Check also whether there any poisoned arrows directed at the bed.”

“Poisoned arrows? What’re they?” Hussein scrunched his forehead.

“In feng shui terminology, it refers to anything sharp or angular. It can be the corner of a writing desk or a closet. Also, the bed should not directly face the door. The bed itself is important. Go for a bed with a headboard; it signifies strong sexual relationship. Don’t sleep on a water bed; water flows. It means your lover or spouse may run away you.”

Chow Kah nodded in appreciation. “I see..."

“Open your windows and curtains at least once a week; let the sunlight charge your bed with positive chi. Hang paintings of happy couples; erotic sculptures of lovers are also good. If possible, burn essential oils that have aphrodisiac properties.” Jessica’s words were like sweet nectar to a hungry bee.

“Such as?”

“Licorice, sandalwood, jasmine, vanilla. These will make your wife's golden lotus crave for your jade stalk. Place symbols of animals in pairs such as Mandarin ducks, or love birds. Avoid having the TV screen facing the bed. Same goes for mirrors.”

“Are you referring to feng shui in a brothel or in a bedroom for couples?” I asked. “For a couple’s bedroom, I know it’s considered bad feng shui but for brothels, it’s good feng shui – at least for the brothel owner -- more customers!”

In Jessica’s voice was a naughty resonance. “Here’s a secret which my great-grandfather passed down to my Dad. My mum told me this. During his era, he was in living in Soochow, China, and fairly well-off. He had two wives and three concubines. To increase his concubines’ appetite for sex, he placed red carpets under their beds. But later, he removed them.”

“Why?” I asked.

“They were demanding so much sex from him that he couldn’t keep up with it!”

The air in the karaoke room was shattered with joy. “Wow! It works!” Chow Kah exclaimed. He tapped a few buttons on his cellular phone. “Hello? Oriental Carpets? Do you have any medium-sized red carpets for sale?”

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